Soft Cell - It’s a mugs game

Record of the day :

Soft Cell - it’s a mugs game - I’ve been listening to the 12″ mix  on repeat all the way into work and it’s such a geniously entertaining and brilliant track I thought I’d mention it and urge you all to seek it out if you’re not already in love with it. It finds Mssrs Almond and Ball at the top of their game espousing a witty and quintissentially british kitchen-sink tale of youth and

sex and going out (their usual sort of working matter) - I found the lyrics, which are very funny and here they are :

Soft Cell - It’s a mugs game

Oh god its another night
And your head is feeling
Like a lump of lead
You should never have drunk
Those party-fours
You should of been home being good instead

Ever been in a deja-vu
and the end is the same again
You ran out of your silver thins
And you’re trying to be so high class
Though you need a bath and your hair’s looking like string
And though you’re nearly broke you end up paying for all the drinks
And you tell them ‘Oh its nothing
There’s a million more where those come from’
And then you whisper to your longest-suffering friend
‘Please lend me a few quid’

Oh god it’s another day
And your stomach’s feeling
Like a blown-up balloon
You should never have eaten that greasy food
The doctor told you that chillie was bad for your blood

And you’re standing at the chemist in Boots
Coughing up your guts like you’re at deaths door
All this for a packet of Do-Do’s
And the assistant gives you a wink and you turn bright red
It’s at time like this that you wish you were dead
And you take the whole packet and you feel like you’ve drunk
A bottle of bleach
And you tell yourself ‘Never, never again
Well, not until next week anyway’
And you were never one for holding drink
And you stagger off to the toilet
And you throw up like it was Christmas
And you miss the bowl and you hit your shoes
And there’s no paper towels
Now what else can go wrong for you
It’s a choice between a cab fare home
And a packet of cigarettes
So you choose and the money sticks
In the machine and the manager says
‘Tough shit - drink up and leave’

Oh god it’s another disease
And you just got rid of the last
You were beginning to feel OK
And the friends you gave it to
Were speaking to you again.

And you find yourself having sex
In the back of a car
And the girl underneath
Doesn’t care who you are
And you’re nearly there
And she still doesn’t care
And her chewing gum
Is getting stuck in your hair
And there’s something wrong
Something that you forgot
Oh Shit, you’ve forgotten the rubber
And you don’t want a kid
Well, deny it was you
If your dad finds out
Then he’ll make you stay in
And do your homework
And cut your hair
And wear your school uniform
Out in the street
Oh what a fate worse than death
Oh well he can’t hit you
but you can hit him back
And play your records so loud
All the ones that he especially hates
Deep Purple in Rock, Led Zeppelin II
Well even you hate those
Well on second thoughts
I think I’ll leave home
And go and live in America
Because they earn more money there
And they can get away with murder - Yeah!

Oh this is a Mugs game
I can’t wait until I’m twenty one
And I can tell them all to sod off.

It’s a mug’s game came out on the flip of the sublime ‘Say hello wave goodbye’, which is another truly fantastic piece of suburban British synth-soul music and it also came out as a US single on Amnesia records in 1982 (god knows what the US made of it at the time - not much I expect!). I think it’s a shame that Soft Cell are forever remember for their (admittedly brilliant) cover of Gloria Jones’ Tainted Love because it obscures their other material and might lead people to think they were one or two hit wonders but they did some really glorious pop music and if there was any justice in the world, would have enjoyed the sort of mega success enjoyed by later emulators of their sound like the Pet Shop Boys. I’d like to think that Morrissey might have also been a fan as they both share the same mastery of the fine art of real life storytelling.

And I believe they’re still out there working and touring. I salute you both - and urge anyone not familiar with more of their material to pick up a compilation - their 12″ mixes were particularly good and there are some good compilations of those (or better still, of course, collect their entire discography on the original vinyl releases - go on - why spend money on chips, bottled beer and designer shirts when there are records waiting out there to be loved).